What a great long weekend.  It was wonderful to be home. We went on a beautiful hike with kids and parents from Butterfly's school. We rode scooters all over the neighborhood and through huge puddles (it rained). We baked banana bread and brownies and made popcorn balls (sort of).  We painted beautiful pictures and read stories. We went to a birthday party. We went to the beach.  I could live my whole life like this but today it is back to work for and back to school for the kids.

We did have our ups and downs. I had to remove Butterfly from stores on three different occasions. Butterfly's energy was over the top and she was not listening. She does need to be safe in stores and she does need to listen when I tell her something is not working for me or I have a limit.  I was able to stop myself and decide why I was reacting- was it because of others disapproving glares? Nope. It was because she almost knocked over a 40 bottle stack of Absolut vodka. Hopefully, the third time will stick with her and future trips to the store will be easier to manage for all of us.

Tonight is Therapist night. He called me last week but I didn't get a chance to actually talk with him. His message said that he thinks some feelings might be coming up for her and that is why she does not want to go. I agree. However, I will not put Butterfly in the car screaming and kicking and fighting to drive her to a therapist to "talk". That doesn't sit right with me. 

It is interesting because not too long ago that is exactly what I would have done- I would have told myself it was for her own good. I don't even begin to pretend I know which is best.   I would love it if she would go- I think it would be helpful for Butterfly. But if she isn't ready...couldn't it be more damaging?  If parenting is anything, it is humbling. I am flying in the dark 90% of the time. I have no idea what is best anymore. My opinions and judgements have all blurred into a mass of gray.

Maybe I should listen to Therapist. He is the professional.  But I know Butterfly better. I feel like this is such a significant decision in her short little life that could potentially impact the rest of her life. Aren't we always hearing about people that remember ____ when they were 5 years old and how that has shaped their lives today..... I feel all this pressure to make the right decision- like we are standing at a fork in the road. But I remind myself that the most important thing is to make decisions with an open mind and with love. Or as Butterfly sometimes reminds me- I don't have to be perfect I just have to do the best I can.