Fragile Web

Well. Principle was right there at the gate. I marched up to her. "I would like to speak with you this morning." She said fine, come on in after you drop her off. Butterfly smiles at Principle. Principle pats her on the head.

I head to the classroom, bracing myself for the little girl's parent to say something or look at me funny because of Butterfly's incident yesterday on the playground. Instead, she smiles at me and touches my arm, "they are growing up so fast, aren't they?" I am so disarmed, all I can do is look at her and smile. Teacher opens the door. Butterfly runs up and shows Teacher her "lovey" for the day. (Butterfly brings a small stuffed toy to school everyday to hold or squeeze when she feels like hurting a friend). Teacher genuinely smiles and acts interested in Butterfly's explanation. Teacher says hi to me.

Nothing is going as I planned. I had envisioned a group of folks with pitch forks and lanterns blocking our way into school today. It has actually been a very smooth drop off.

Butterfly then asks one of the little girls where she is going to sit so they can sit together. The little girl responds "are you going to bother me with your hands?" It snaps me back to my mission at hand. I give Butterfly a big hug and head to the Principle's office.

The conversation goes great. She is not defensive. She is concerned when I tell her that Butterfly is scared of her. She assures me that she does not tell Butterfly that she is "bad or mean". Principle talks about "when she chooses to have a behavior.." I interrupt her. I tell her I don't think it is a choice. I am sure it is an impulse control issue. I don't want Butterfly punished. She needs to be redirected, recentered. That is what works. She actually listens. She doesn't yell. Or accuse.

We talk about rewarding Butterfly for good behavior. I explain that doesn't really work because again, she can't control the impulse. Still, we decide that to build Principle's relationship with her (so that it isn't all bad and scary), Butterfly will sometimes go to the Principle's office to be her helper. I like that idea. I can imagine how proud Butterfly will be.

I tell Principle that we plan to start seeing a psychiatrist that works specifically with children that have outburst/ impulse control issues. Principle seems pleased and says she is excited to see what she can learn from the psychiatrist too. Principle tells me that she will follow up on the things that we had talked about for the classroom in the SST. She will also become the person to communicate with us so that Teacher is talking about issues in front of other parents and kids. And, to support Teacher, whenever something happens with Butterfly, she will be sent to Principle hopefully alleviating some of Teacher's frustration. And, she said we can't expect change overnight. Well, I know that... I had assumed they didn't know it. I thanked her.

She reminds me that today Butterfly will spend lunch and recess with Principle as a consequence for yesterday. I tell her that Butterfly and I have talked about that and she knows she will be with Principle. We agree that it is good to be consistent. I agree to support the "consequences" by talking them through at home and allowing some consequences to be put in place.

Internally, I am wondering why Principle did not suspend Butterfly since that is what she told us and more importantly, Butterfly. We have to be consistent with what we tell Butterfly and then actually follow through with it. Not that I want her to get suspended but it is worse to tell her one thing and do something else. I decide to let it pass for now. I feel good- almost airy on the walk home.

Later that day we get a call from the Intern therapist at the school. Intern leaves a bubbly message that she will no longer be able to see Butterfly on Mondays. Please call if you have any questions. Of course we have questions!!! You are her therapist and all the sudden you can't see her! That will crush Butterfly. Several messages later but still no call back.

At pick up Butterfly tells us that she did not have to go Principle's office for lunch or recess. She doesn't know why because no one said anything about it. She went on the yard like usual. So much for consistency. All the sudden, it seems like our web of support had become brittle and fragile again. It will only work if we are all working together.