SUSPENDED

Well it happened. The call. Butterfly Girl was suspended yesterday. Interestingly, I am not as freaked out as I imagined I would be. Neither was Partner.

We notice things are escalating at school. She has had a very rough week. Monday she hit a girl. Tuesday she scratched a boy. And then yesterday she hit a boy and would not stop until someone pulled her off. It almost all happens at recess or some other unstructured time. Teacher does not allow her to bring her "lovey" with her to recess. Butterfly says that is why she is doing it. I have no idea anymore.

Last night we thought maybe it is all behavioral- she does have control. She is just much smarter than we give her credit. Brother and her were playing in their homemade fort. Brother kicked her. Butterfly calmly said "do not kick me. I don't like it". And... that was it.

So, if that is the case, we should just be firmer. Set more boundaries. Give more consequences. But that never seemed to work. When I finally sat down to talk with her (after a horrible day at work - life doesn't stop just because things fall apart at home). I felt at a loss as to what to say to her about the suspension. And Butterfly asked me right away "What's suspended?" I wanted to tell her like it is- this continues to happen and you will be kicked out! This is super serious!! You have got to get control of yourself. But I remembered how that kind of pressure builds in her. How it breaks her down. I remembered that she is five.

I have to get her in to see the psychiatrist because I don't know what to do. We hope to have the first appointment next week. They don't take insurance so we have to come up with cash and bill insurance ourselves. I think the guy is going to work with me. I am desperate to get her in before all the holidays madness starts. I am scared to death to take her to a shrink- I don't want to be handed a diagnosis and a bottle of pills. I told him we would want to try everything before medication. He said he will not usually put 5 year old on medication.

Suspension is not going to be a good tool working with Butterfly. I think she enjoyed some extra time with Partner. I wish I could figure out how to get Butterfly to stop that one moment and walk to the Teacher instead of lashing out....particularly when some kid is provoking her. The boy she hit yesterday- he called her a "stupid moron" before she began to kick his butt. The boy the day before that said to her tauntingly "you want to go for it?" And she didn't bother to answer- just grabbed his arm and dug her nails in.

Kindergarten is no sweet place. Hell, even preschool is rough. Brother called from the back seat yesterday to Partner "fuck you mommy". This has been an on going issue with a child in his preschool that constantly says those words. Now, all the three year olds are running around the yard yelling it at each other. We just pray Butterfly doesn't hear him and repeat that to the Principal or Teacher. Then they will really wonder what we are teaching them at home.