Live-in Zen Masters

Ahh, the honeymoon. How sweet it was. Butterfly Girl is definitely become more vocal in her dislike, disgust, disappointment, discouragement or any other "dis-".  At times I feel like I am living with an Oscar winner.

It is a struggle to decipher what is a real reaction and what is more for attention. Although, both are very real reactions so maybe I should just stop trying to figure it out. Yesterday, after my retreat like morning writing in my blog and pondering life while everyone slept, I was snapped back to reality with a kick in the face- quite literally.

Butterfly has always had a difficult time waking in the morning although for our honeymoon she seemed to embrace each morning with a smile and hugs. Yesterday, I had the unfortunate experience of startling her by coming around the corner at the same time as her. Butterfly's sensitive self could not process it quick enough and she was thrown into a wild, angry tantrum which included screaming she hates me and kicking me in the face. In hindsight, she was telling me very clearly by both body language and very clear words to leave her alone (!) and I just did not listen. I wanted to fix it. I needed her to know I was sorry. It was an accident. So instead of listening to her needs, I went and sat on her bed which promptly resulted in a kick square to my nose. That was certainly clear.

The tricky thing with this non violent communication (NVC) is that we don't ask our kids to apologize. I wanted an apology. But, instead I told her how I felt and that it was not okay with me. Then I told her I needed space and left the room. I don't know if she heard any of it because she was still screaming "I hate you!"  at me.

Eventually, we found a way to talk about it, get dressed for the day, get breakfast and all that. Butterfly was feeling quite good actually.  She had said what she needed, listened to me  and was moving on with her day.  Another hard thing with NVC is letting go. 

I found I was still mad. I still wanted an apology. I was mad that I couldn't put her in timeout because you don't do that in NVC. I was exhausted and it was only 730 AM. I was depleted and I still had the whole day ahead of me. I was worried that she would now have difficulties at school all day. I was sad for Brother having to wake up to that. I knew Partner did not like to start her morning like that. But most of all, I couldn't let go of how she had ruined everyone's morning and was now dancing around happy, asking me to get her juice, asking me to play... like nothing had happened! 

And then it dawned on me as I watched my little Butterfly bouncing around the house- happy and complete. Brother was happy too - like nothing had happened. She was in the moment - they were in the moment- which is where I needed to be. I needed to let go. I needed to be in the moment- just right there, right then. And when I realized that, everything else faded. And I played. And I hugged. And I was grateful for my two little live-in Zen Masters- Butterfly and Brother. I have a lot to learn.