Earning Back Trust

Yesterday was a little rough again. The honeymoon may be ending. However, Butterfly's behavior is not manifesting itself physically but verbally. That is a change.  

There were points yesterday where I wondered if this whole non violent communication (NVC) was really working.  How many times can I say the limits? How many times can I say "I feel sad when you say that because I need kind words in our family." when she yells "I hate you!" Or "I feel worried when you say that because I need you to know that we love you" when she says "I wish I were dead. No one loves me."  

It is hard not to say "NO." or "Cut it out" or "You are in timeout." especially if the unkindness is directed to Brother.  Although, Brother is actually more advanced than any of us in this new language because he has been learning it in his preschool. Brother is practiced at saying "That is not okay with me."

After a good night's rest, I woke this morning to review yesterday.  I feel re energized. I will use NVC a thousand times more today. Thinking back on yesterday- although it was bumpy- Butterfly did not physically hurt anyone.  And, I heard her (or tried to).  And she worked through the moments with words. 

At one point, Brother was having a very hard time giving Butterfly space because he wanted desperately to play with her. Butterfly was trying so hard to use her words and although it did escalate into screaming "Leave me alone!!" it did not turn physical. Butterfly told me "I am trying to work through this! I need space so I am sitting at my (art) table!" That is a huge success. 

I think we will need some difficult days for Butterfly to trust that I will hear her and not resort to timeouts and "no" even during the most challenging moments. For her to trust that I value what she is feeling and thinking in any given moment. I hope for guidance and patience in those moments.