Wake UP

This morning, like most mornings, my stomach was in knots as I sat on the edge of the bed preparing to wake Butterfly Girl. The whole day usually revolves on how the wake up goes. There is pressure to make it a good wake up because she needs to have a good day at school.

Last week Teacher told us that we might have to begin picking her up before recess. She would not be allowed to stay for the afternoon. Only Butterfly Girl would go home early. All the rest of her classmates would stay. The words from the teacher were falling like a waterfall over me..disruptive, loud, uncontrollable, fidgety, requires extra attention... I try to find a balance- not defensive, open, understanding of the teacher and yet a passionate advocate for my little one. It is too much to hold together for long so I end the conversation as soon as I hear Teacher say she can try again this week but it must be good.

I haven't realized the pressure until recently. The constant agonizing over how the play date will go, how time with brother will go, how school will go, how dinner out will go, how the visit from family will go, how the playground will go, how the friend's birthday party will go...I never fully realized until recently. But this morning, I am fully aware. She is so beautiful and peaceful sleeping - I hate to wake her. I feel like sleep is a refuge for her- a place where everything quiets down. I gently call her name and begin to wake her. First I pull the covers off- met with groans. Then I softly start talking about school- I am met by the fierce look, sticking tongue out, teeth grinding-- so angry. Her little body actually shaking as she grips hands into fists. I have to make a move to turn it around quick- should I be firm or funny today - there is no pattern as to what what will work. I opt for a tickle. Today, the tickle lights her eyes up and from deep comes a belly laugh. We both laugh. We are going to be okay this morning. I am thankful for that.