Therapy Shmerapy

Today we have an appointment with a therapist. Ms. L came through a friend that I have told a little bit about Butterfly Girl. Ms. L is doing this first meeting for free. We don't have money to pay for fancy pants therapist that charge $150 hour. Although, we did pay for one once anyway.

We went to this therapist- the first session was ok. Just my partner and me. We talked about Butterfly Girl. Therapist said nothing particularly enlightening or insightful, but she also didn't throw any red flags. We returned the next week with Butterfly Girl. In a very small room the four of us sat, our knees almost touching. Therapist got out small plastic people and scattered them on the floor. She instructed Butterfly to use the dolls to play out the teasing she was getting on the playground. Butterfly Girl was more interested in the cool toys behind Therapist that she was not allowed to touch. When it was fianlly time to leave (a therapist hour later), Butterfly defiantly grabbed a toy off the shelf and gripped it in her little hand. I felt like laughing, wildly and uncontrollably. I wanted to grab one of the damn toys too and run off down the hall with Butterfly Girl. We never went back but we are stll paying $20 month on the bill.


Right now we are working "in the system". Butterfly Girl sees an intern at the school once a week for free. Intern seems okay and, although she looks 12 years old, she assures us she is completing her masters degree. She doesn't ahve kids. The School Psychologist won't see Butterfly until she has a "diagnosis". If it is not the School Psycholgist, we are not sure who is supposed to "diagnose" her. I will be sure to ask Psychologist at the SST meeting next week.

So, we are very excited to have an opportunity with Ms. L this afternoon. She has over 15 years of experience working with "kids like Butterfly Girl." I cling to those words- part of it making me pissed off but part of me desperatly wanting to believe there is someone that can look at my child and tell me that it is "really quite obvious...this is what is going on...and this is what you need to do". Once again, I place everything that means something to me in the hands of some stranger. And I haven't even seen her yet.

I have a dream some nights. I am at a playground. It is full of kids "like Butterfly Girl". Some are twirling, some are yelling, some are counting, some are coloring, some are running, some are quiet. I am sitting with other parents. I am totally relaxed. Nothing our kids are doing seems out of place. We are laughing as we share stories of melt downs in stores and the kid's latest "behaviour" that has us at wits ends. I often wake up crying. Not because I am sad. I am relieved. For a moment, if only in a dream, I have others who understand. I can see Butterfly Girl finally free. I willl find that place. I will find that place.